I’ve got the den really set up now. Well. I say den. Study. You know. The spare bedroom. Anyway. It's got pc, tv, dvd player, video, play station, sound system… the lot. (Well, almost. I’ve been thinking of getting one of those little fridges. You know – like the ones they do for Buddies and Coke and such forth. Save me having to keep getting-up to go to the kitchen.) Thing is. There’s plenty to keep the old mind occupied while I’m playing poker. And I always think that’s important. Concentrate too hard on the cards and you find yourself playing too many hands. Know what I mean?
Most nights, I like to watch the footie, while I’m playing. If there’s a game on. Later on, I watch a movie, or maybe listen to music.
Tell you the truth. I’ve got some films I’ve watched over and over. Outlaw Josey Wales. Play Misty For Me. Dirty Harry - I must have watched that one over hundred times. Well, punk. Are you feeling lucky? Yeah. I’ve had some of my best results watching Harry.
A while back, I was watching the Bond films a lot. I’ve got the complete series. Well, it was when I bought it. If you know what I mean? On video – that’s the only thing. And some of them are starting to play-up. You know? Break-up. Jump about a bit. And that can be distracting. Especially, if you’re in a big pot.
What I used to do is work my way through the whole Bond set. You know? In the order they came out in. And for a long while, it really worked well for me. I was on a real roll for a time. Except, for Casino Royale. The comedy one with David Niven in it. To be honest. I don’t really think it’s a proper Bond film, as such. It’s got Peter Sellers in it. Which is ok. But, I’ve never really understood what the plot was all about. And I’ve never won any real money with it either.
The best Bond film was On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. From Russia With Love was another good one. But the absolute best movie for playing online poker was definitely OHMSS. I had some right results with that one. For some reason, whenever I had OHMSS on I always played well. I don’t know why. Maybe, it was because I could really relate to George Lazenby’s portrayal of Bond. Empathize. You know. I really identified with the guy. It was like we were kindred spirits, or something.
And then. One time. I remember. I was doing my absolute b’ll’x. You know? I went back to it. OHMSS. Yeah? Played it out of sequence. And d’you know what? It worked. No. Honest. Got me out of the hole. No problem. It was like magic. Play OHMSS and win.
’Course. Then I started playing it all the time. Trying to get that extra little edge. You know? So critical in poker. All the pros will tell you the same. Best poker I ever played. That was. Anyway. I played it and played it. I played it so much, I wore the damn thing out in the end. The tracking became completely f’ck’d. Unwatchable.
And it was never the same after that. Didn’t win a thing for months. Couldn’t hit a flop? I couldn’t hit a cow on the arse with a banjo! I’m telling you. It got so bad that I went out and bought it on dvd. OMHSS. But. I dunno why. The magic was gone. The spark. Just wasn’t there anymore. I even went on ebay and bought an old video. Second hand. See if that would bring the buzz back. Bl’ddy waste of money, that was. The one they sent me was worse than my old one. Knackered. I still play the other Bond films from time to time. And the Clint Eastwood’s. No great success though really. No. I never reached those same heights again. Least ways. Not so far.
Lately, I’ve been trying out my Elvis films. Mixed results.
Anyway. It got me thinking. Who was the best James Bond? Plenty to choose from. And would you believe it? They’ve been making them for over 40yrs now. 23 films. (If you count the David Niven one.) Incredible! Yeah. There’s…
Dr. No 1962 - Connery.
From Russia With Love 1963 - Connery.
Goldfinger 1964 - Connery, again.
Thunderball 1965 - Connery.
You Only Live Twice 1967 - Connery.
Casino Royale 1967. That’s the David Niven one.
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service 1969. George Lazenby. He only made the one.
Diamonds Are Forever 1971. Connery again.
Live And Let Die 1973. The first one with Roger Moore.
The Man With The Golden Gun 1974 - Moore.
The Spy Who Loved Me 1977 - Moore.
Moonraker 1979 - Moore.
For Your Eyes Only 1981. Yep. Moore.
Octopussy 1983 - Moore.
Never Say Nenver Again 1983. Yeah. That was Connery again. Not one of his best.
A View To A Kill 1985 - Moore.
The Living Daylights 1987 - Timothy Dalton.
Licence To Kill 1989. Dalton again. He made two. Never really convincing.
Goldeneye 1995 - Pierce Brosnan.
Tomorrow Never Dies 1997 - Brosnan.
The World Is Not Enough 1999 - Brosman.
Die Another Day 2002 - Brosnan.
Casino Royale 2006. And the brand new Bond. Daniel Craig.
So which of them was the best? Well, I’m sure we’ve all got our own ideas. But here are my picks…
Best Bond: George Lazenby
Ozzie George got the part after working as a second-hand car dealer, model and making tv commercials. Only made the one film. Shame.
Best Bond Film: On Her Majesties Secret Service
Tough choice this; between OHMSS and From Russia With Love. They’re both so good. FRWL’s got a great plot. Great villain. The superb Robert Shaw plays a psycho-killer hired by Smersh to assassinate 007 and get the decoder. And there are two great fight scenes in this one. One set in the train carriage when Bond outwits Shaw with the aid of Q’s trixie briefcase. And, for me, one of the great fight scenes of all time when the two gypsy girls scrap it out to see who gets to bed our hero. Quality. But in the end, I’ve got to go for OHMSS. Great film. Emma Peel in her prime. And. As I was saying earlier. It’s been so good for me. You know? Pokerwise.
Best Villain: Odd Job
Has to be. You remember? The guy with the killer bowler hat – how cool is that? A right psycho he was. Tries to stop Bond from disarming the H-Bomb that’s going to blow up all of the gold in Fort Knox and him with it, instead of legging-out of there as fast as possible. I must admit. If it had been me. I’d have probably said. Yo. James. Call it quits? Then I’d see if I could be any help in stopping that timer thing going round.
Best Bond Girl
Difficult one this – there have been some real beauties. Daniela Bianchi is georgeous in From Russia With Love. But for me. It has to. You guessed it. Pussy Galore!
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